Toddler tantrums are no joke. They can become pure chaos with toddler twins.
Having two toddlers go through their terrible two (and three) phase hits us as moms, hard. It can feel like pure craziness- and sometimes it feels like all chaos and no calm. Don’t worry mom, you aren’t the only one. We all feel this way at one point or another. But how we handle ourself and the situation can make all the difference.
Here are some tips on what to do when your toddlers are taking over and you feel overwhelmed.
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Just breathe
Having twins in their terrible twos can feel frustrating.
Breathing can do so much to help you feel, and stay sane, as a mom of twins.
There may be a lot going on with two screaming toddlers, but as a mom you are no good if you can’t get yourself to stay calm.
What I have found works best, is just pausing wherever you are and whatever you may be doing. Stop and take 3 breaths. Rethink your reaction and what to do or say.
I do my breathing, put ear plugs in and walk away from the loudness for a minutes to think about my next choice and reaction.
Because it is so hard to think when it’s chaotic.
So breathe 3 times and go somewhere to think so you can stay calm.
2. Distract them to help calm toddler twins
My mother in law is queen of distraction. She can get any one of my children to forget they were crying and screaming . You know what she does?
She distracts them.
Distraction is an art.
I watch her so smoothly ask them to show her their favorite toy. Or with the iPad in hand, asks them if they want to watch a show?
For those toddlers that like to color, giving them a coloring book and crayons might distract them. A puzzle might work too.
If questioning and redirecting them with iPads, coloring books and puzzles doesn’t work- a good old fashioned lollipop usually does.
Yep that’s right. Distract them with a lollipop.
You can address the behavior after they have stopped crying. No one is going to listen if they are crying.
3. You will not win a battle with a 2 year old
Whatever you do, DO NOT try to reason with a toddler. You will not win.
In fact they may even just say “no” because they can.
Remember, toddlers who are entering their twos are learning how to be independent, so many of their tantrums or screaming stems from independence.
My twins love to try for their independence, and will put on a big fit if I don’t let them. They try to get dressed and put on their shoes, even if its backwards and on the wrong feet. They want what they want- that’s it!
According to Healthline, oppositional behavior is quit common at the age of two, as their independence is being tested and they want to try everything on their own.
So, trying to argue with a two year old is just not going to happen. Just walk away from the defiant toddler. Pick your battles as they say.
4. Offer choices to calm toddler twins
My twins love choices. They feel like they are in control because they get to pick, and mommy is happy because a tantrum was avoided.
My daughter is queen of making choices. She has to chose her clothes, her spoon, her water cup and even her cereal. But as long as I give her 2 choices, she will happily chose.
Just yesterday I gave her two choices she did not like. And when she was about cry, I explained that this was it, there was nothing else to choose from. She thought about it, said “fine” and happily made a choice.
At the end, her tantrum that was about to happen, did not happen, because she got to make a choice.
So giving choices, helps calm the chaos with toddler twins.
Whatever you do, stay calm
Your toddler can feed off of your feelings. So whatever you do, try your best to stay calm.
Close your eyes and breathe. Visualize you being calm. Feel the joy!
Relax.
Go for a walk/run if you can get away.
They will react however you react.
If you can’t get away, suggest a walk with them. Put them in the stroller. This will help you to stay calm and hopefully get them crying to subside in the process.
You will both be in a better mood for it. Fresh air always does a body good.
My twins love the stroller, so that was my most popular tantrum controller. They will drop anything to go outside in the stroller.
Read up on tantrums
Self educating is always a great way to learn and grow as a person, and as a mom. Books have a wealth ok knowledge from moms and doctors who have seen the successes. So when in doubt -read a book.
My favorite parenting book about tantrums is:
The Happiest Toddler on The Block by Harvey Karp
Some books to read to your toddler for helping them cope with their feelings and tantrums are:
Tim’s Toddler Tantrum Story by Adrian Laurent
My Tiny Temper by Christopher Fequiere
Calm Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick and Marieka Heinlen
Keep a routine
Toddlers crave routine. The more predictable the day may be, the less likely frustration will arrive. And with plenty on predictability, tantrums will be at a a minimum.
Having a predictable routine will help prevent meltdowns. Try to keep the same routine.
Giving them warning of a change in routine will help prevent meltdown as well. Remind them that today we are going to grandmas house instead of the park. Or it’s raining and we can’t go on our walk, but we we’ll do yoga together instead. (My twins love doing my workout and dogs videos with me).
Read more about routines here.
Conclusion
It will feel like chaos with toddler twins as they enter into that defiant stage. They will drive you absolutely nuts. But there are ways to find the joy in every day- and remember it will get better. Just breathe, read about it, stay calm and don’t argue with that 2 or 3 year old. Distract them and make routines. You will get through this! You can pull the the chaos of having toddler twins
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I'm 40 years old and a mom of 2 three year olds and a first grader. I am also a Special education teacher. My passion has always been to help people, which is why I started this blog.